Heidi Montag’s Surgeries Leads to White Women Being Barred From Controlling Money
By Bill Matthews Montag’s husband will have to pay for her future surgeries. (LOS ANGELES) A federal judge has ruled that white women can no longer be responsible for money and must turn any earnings over to a sensible man. The ruling by Judge Ryan Cabrera came in the wake of pseudo celebrity Heidi Montag’s … Read more
TPN‘s Trifling Baby Daddy of the Week
John Edwards How do you get into the Trifling Hall of Fame? Just follow these simple steps: Cheat on wife. Check. For best results, make sure she has cancer. Check. Cheat, of course, with a skank. Check. But not until after you hire her for your staff. Check. Pay her inordinate sums of money for … Read more
White-Only Basketball League Forms
By Bill Matthews The game was so much better then, says Lewis. (ATLANTA) Hoping to create the first sports league that has no spectators, Don “Moose” Lewis is putting together a basketball league featuring only American-born players who have two Caucasian parents. “And I don’t mean like Webster, where it’s some black kid adopted by … Read more
TPN‘s Trifling “Religious” Leader of the Week
Pat Robertson I expect idiocy from ol’ Pat, but Jesus, take the wheel. He blames the earthquake in Haiti not on tiny shifts in the Earth’s crust, but on the country being in league with the devil. “They said, ‘We will serve you if you will get us free from the French.’ True story. And … Read more
TPN‘s Trifling Crazy Person of the Week
Jorge Garcia I had to come out of retirement for this one. Jorge, you see, was standing in the middle of the road one morning screaming profanities. Sure, we’ve all been there. But when he wouldn’t quiet down, cops moved in to arrest him, Tasers drawn. Jorge climbed in his car and used an infant … Read more
